The Walk

"I'm very fond of walking."

"Yes... yes, I know."

Yesterday... the start of my walk in our back patio.

Along the small lake at the park where the cowbirds gather to build their nests.

 Five baby ducks or goslings (3 in the water and 2 on the rock edge) along with their parents, I assume.

"You must know, surely you must know that it was all for you."

Feelings, nothing more than feelings

Too often we base the moral rightness of something on whether it feels right or not. If our conscience is intact and working correctly, and if our knowledge of a situation is adequate and correct, than we can probably go with that gut feeling. But if a conscience is seared into silence by continuing to break moral laws, then gut feelings can be wrong.

Some years ago a friend of mine justified an affair with a married man with the statement, "How can something that feels so right be wrong?" Country western fans, do those lines sound familiar? Feelings can blind a person to the truth and consequences of a situation. This dear friend had to raise a child on her own ever since that lying buzzard abandoned her when she became pregnant.

Lust is not the same thing as love. Emotional dependence is not the same thing as love. Lust is based on feelings and self-centeredness. Love is based on commitment and self-sacrifice. Lust is conditional. Emotions are conditional. Love is unconditional. I believe too many of us have truly lost the meaning of that word, or possibly never knew it in the first place.

• I must be out of love because I don't feel like I love you anymore.
• I don't love you now because you don't fulfill my needs anymore.
• I don't feel like doing anything for you anymore because you don't do anything for me.
• I don't love you anymore because you don't look like you first looked when we were married.

Another feeling to watch out for is urge. Some people pattern their whole lives on urges. Just because one gets an urge to do something doesn't mean one has to act on it. 

The same goes for anger, another strong emotional feeling. I once heard a teenager say to a friend that she was going to beat up another girl. I asked her why she thought she had to get physical about a disagreement. She said she couldn't help it-- that all of her family had bad tempers and were fighters. I told her that was baloney. Maybe her family set bad examples for her to follow, but she was the one who could control her own temper. Just because one gets angry at another doesn't mean a person has to act out feelings of rage and violence towards another. But we see daily in the media where too many people have yet to learn that.

I believe everyone is capable of having dangerous or illicit thoughts at one time or another. One can choose to snuff them out immediately and do the right thing, or one can choose to allow those thoughts to continue visiting one's mind until that harmful urge, lust, or rage causes one to act on it. 

Doing the right thing involves doing the responsible thing, whether one feels like it or not. Our society used to have clear lines of right and wrong as well as defined roles of responsibility, but the lines have blurred, primarily because we've let feelings control more and more of our actions. And the desire to assuage our guilt makes us want to strike out at any person or group attempting to hold up a standard of morality.

Whether we choose to believe it or not, there are moral principles in place just as sure as there are scientific and mathematical principles governing our world. And until we latch onto a solid rock foundation of morals and live by them, we are doomed to be influenced by every whim and urge that come our way, justifying our actions by fickle feelings that change from one day to the next. 

tudorhistory.org

I think England's Henry VIII would be the ideal poster child for living life based on lust, anger, and his ever-changing moral relativism. And we see how well that worked for him.

Fallen from Grace

One of the things I love about our Comfy Socks group is that we can discuss anything among ourselves, and it's a safe environment to learn. The phrase 'fallen from grace' - Galatians 5:4 - was brought up in an electronic discussion, and it made me stop and think about what that meant.

I think since Paul was writing to Christians in Galatians, he was telling them that their Gospel +plus thinking of going back to things associated with the law to keep them in a right relationship with God or to "maintain" their salvation (and he referred to it as "fallen away from grace") didn't mean they had lost their salvation; I think he was telling them that they had corrupted the meaning of grace and had damaged that knowledge and relationship because it meant they had to do something on their part to gain and maintain their salvation when salvation by grace was actually all of God's doing. 

My mother was raised in a church where they taught she could fall from grace, meaning she could lose her salvation, so she had no assurance of her salvation until years later when a preacher from another denomination referred her to John 3:16 - 'For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believed in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life,' - and asked her how long everlasting was.

I  think I probably caught the opposite easy believe-ism of "once saved, always saved," which meant walking down the aisle to obtain one's fire insurance from hell, and then living life however one wanted to. I remember as a church clerk having to dig back through the years of  records to find when a deceased person was baptized (which supposedly documented their salvation experience) to find a man's name who had moved away from our town years before and had never transferred his membership to another church. I'm sure it was comforting to the family to know he had walked the aisle many years before, but his life should've been the evidence of his faith in Christ. So if a name on a church roll is the only way people knew if someone had a relationship with Christ, then sadly, that's actually more indicative that he probably didn't have a relationship with Christ.

Although I knew most all of the stories of the Bible, and I could tell you the right words and answers pertaining to Christian dogma, it wasn't until my thirties or early forties that I truly grasped the concept of grace (finally)-- that my salvation was completely and totally based on what God did through his Son, and not anything else on my part other than to believe and accept it. I remember how freeing that felt because before that, the logical, human side of me kept needling me at the back of my mind that surely there was something more I could do to get on God's good side, to make my salvation stick if I did more for him.

I went from spending more time working down at the church than the preacher did (& keeping God at arm's distance) to not doing nearly as much work down at the church and focusing more on my relationship with Him. I want any evidence that I'm a Christian to come naturally out of an overflowing heart of love for and gratefulness to and dependence on Him, rather than an obligation to insure that my relationship with Him is on good terms based on what I  do for Him. I was living the Gospel+ life for years and didn't even realize it. But I also believe during that time that I was still God's child based on what He'd done for me, not on my immature and misguided thinking.

According to the book of James, he makes it sound like good works are a requirement of salvation on the surface, but when you take that message and put it alongside the rest of the New Testament, good works are the evidence of our faith and relationship with Christ. And I've learned through the years that most of the 'good works' God intends for us to do are outside of the church. It was so easy for me to work hard (and comfortably) within the walls of the church on activities and events and musical efforts with and for other Christians, and always with the hope that a non-Christian would come through the door. But most non-Christians never cross that threshold. 

I'm not discounting the importance of the church to minister and teach and edify the Body [church members]; my Bible study class is such a source of inspiration and strength to me during this time of my life, and I've learned so much from my pastor's sermons. But when our 'good works' take place only at church, I think we're missing the point of the Great Commission where Jesus says to 'go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always,to the very end of the age.' Matthew 28:19-20. 

Say What You Need to Say

One of the most tragic things when losing a loved one is realizing there were things that still needed to be said that didn't get said. Some people are distraught because they didn't get to tell their loved one goodbye, but I think the expression of love during a lifetime trumps saying goodbye at the end. And if love is expressed regularly during a lifetime, the loved one knows that whether it gets said at the end or not. 

I wrote a letter to Mom a week after her diagnosis of ALS, and it was comforting for me to tell her how much I appreciated and loved her. 

July 29, 2010

Dear Momma,

Eventually, I hope I can express myself without crying, but right now I'm just not able to, and I don't want to make you feel worse. But I need to tell you some things now-- the song Say What You Need to Say by John Mayer comes to mind.

I felt like I've been drowning in grief the past few days-- I know this is a normal process, but I don't want to be that way around you. This isn't about me here, it's about you, and too often I've taken your strength for granted. And I know I don't express it often enough, but I hope you know what you mean to this family, and especially to me. We don't want to let go of you. I know everyone has to go through this at some point in their lives, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I know now how you felt about your mother and her health issues, and worrying about her, and wanting to do what you could to help her, and later how hard it was to let her go. You and Daddy have set such a good example of honoring and taking care of your parents. I'm so thankful that we've lived close to you most of our grown-up years (in spite of you telling Joy and me to live in separate towns from you-- ha! and we know why you said that). I'm so thankful that my kids and grandkids know you well and are so comfortable around you. They don't do it out of obligation-- they love to hang out with you. You were important in Van and Nessa's lives growing up, and Ness is passing that on to Audrie and Finn. I want to get a picture of Finn climbing up there on the new loveseat and sitting between you and Dad -- that just melted my heart to see that he loves you and is so comfortable with y'all. You've taught them so much, too, and given them a place they love to visit. And that goes for Trixie, too!!

Janet's mom passing so suddenly was a good wake up call for me to stop grieving so much and start appreciating the fact that you're still here with us and that I need to focus on that and treasure each moment. I've been watching too much TV and I even broke my five-game rule and played a ton of Free Cell to take my mind off what's coming, and I don't want to keep doing that. We all feel so helpless, but the material Joe sent us gave us some hope that maybe there was something we could do. Hope felt so good, and I'm going to hang onto it. I think of the lady in Nessa's church who's been at Stage 4 cancer for at least seven years now, and there she was the Sunday I visited a few weeks ago-- going down to the front of the church with her husband to pray and minister to other people. She probably drove a team to the Backyard Bible Club again like she did last year. And there you were at the Food Bank the day after your diagnosis and continuing to volunteer at the hospital and church this week. I'd probably still be in bed (my first reaction to anything traumatic) a week after a diagnosis like that. You are amazing.

You always said I was a daddy's girl, and that was true when I was young-- probably because you did the primary disciplining in the house.    : )  But I've been a momma's girl for years now. Like the kids, I love hanging around with you. I love your humor. I love your strength. I love your generous and compassionate heart. I love the example you set as a faithful and godly wife. I love that you've graciously put up with Dad's hoarding all these years. I love your cooking. I love your faithfulness to the Lord, and I know He put you in this house and church and town for this time, so I trust that He's watching out for you. I love living with you and Daddy and getting to know you better, and I love that we have the time to reminisce and record your story. I love sitting and visiting with you on the porch. I love watching the birds and flowers blooming around the house. I love that you are my mother, and that I've never doubted your love for me and the rest of the family. What a secure feeling that has been all of my life.

Our giant at this moment is ALS, and like David, we're going to face it head on with God's strength and help. I know there will still be moments of intense sadness coming, and we have our work cut out for us, but we will get through this together. And for the time God allows us, we are going to make the most of it. Just know you are so very loved by me and the rest of your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, kinfolks, and the countless friends you have made along the way.

*  *  *

Don't wait until a funeral to express how you feel about someone. Let them know now.

Women of All Ages Classes

My Sunday School class  composed of women of all ages is such a shot in the arm for me each week. I always go away so encouraged and inspired, and I would recommend anyone finding a small group to share their faith and life journey as they study God's Word. And I love the age differences where the younger ones can learn from the older ones, and vice versa, and that's biblical.

This is the third church that I've attended that's had a Women of All Ages Class. Frances Leigh felt led to start one in Cotulla First Baptist Church, and that was my first class. Her intention was to minister to divorcees, but married women also gravitated there because the teaching and camaraderie was so wonderful. Thank you, Frances, for listening to the Lord and meeting a need in providing a safe, healing, and supportive class for women of any age at FBC.

I next attended a Women of All Ages Class in a large Baptist church in Austin. The class was team-taught by two amazing Bible teachers who happened to be former lesbians. The Lord definitely took me through a learning curve with these two remarkable women and the struggles they faced with their sexuality and their faith. The class started off small, but grew to where we had to move to a much larger meeting room. And when I went through my divorce, this was the church I attended, which was a tremendous help to me during that difficult time. I have no doubt God orchestrated that, too.

And now my current Sunday School class of women of all ages at FBC Taylor is taught by two extraordinary women: Judy Schroeder and Penni Hudson. They are so knowledgeable about the Word of God, and between the two of them, they have such amazing experiences in missions and travel throughout the Holy Land and other countries with ties to biblical history. And God is using their life experiences in such a mighty way to minister to other women going through similar situations. Thank you, Penni & Judy, for your friendship and prayers and ministry through this class of women of all ages.

No woman is immune to the difficulties of life, but they are much more bearable when you have women of faith that understand what you're going through and are willing to come alongside of you in prayer. I don't know how people function in this life without their faith and God's grace, peace, guidance, and strength during challenging times, which are most often demonstrated through his children.

A Different Kind of Stroll

After three or four months cooped up in the house during flu season, Mom finally decided to take a stroll with Dad down the street in her power chair. I missed getting a picture of them out on the street, so I caught them inside. I definitely need to do a better countdown for Dad's sake.

But they're hanging their hats by the door like this may become a regular thing. Sure hope so!

Precious Ladies

Mom has been homebound for the past three months or so-- staying away from crowds during flu season. Dad has been walking over to the church during the week to pick up the dvd of the morning worship service so they could still participate that way.

But yesterday, Mom's Sunday School class was so thoughtful to come to the house to have class with Mom this week. And Dad sure enjoyed being in a class with a dozen lovely ladies. : )

That is truly walking the walk. Thank you, so much, sweet ladies. Mom loved having you visit our home.