God Knew

When I lived in Austin, I attended Great Hills Baptist Church, and my Sunday School class planned a Christmas party in a nice apartment complex's party room. I almost didn't go. I tend to slide into a recluse mode if I'm not careful, and I was going through something difficult at the time, and it zapped every reason for me to attend a party. But I knew somebody was making the effort to do something for us outside the classroom, so I forced myself to dress up and go.

About twenty-five women showed up, and someone had even invited a speaker to present a devotion or something. We all ate and then gathered around a fireplace to hear something about the Christmas story or pertaining to the season, we assumed. I can't even remember the speaker's name, but she started with telling us that this seemed an odd subject for Christmas time, but the Lord kept leading her  to talk about divorce.

The topic of divorce for a Christmas party?

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I looked around. No one knew that my husband had asked me for a divorce only a couple of weeks ago. No one knew I was going back home for my first visit since the news broke. I was too embarrassed to admit it to this godly group of women. But I was even more ashamed to face my home church and community. They all seemed to know about my divorce before I did. I felt like I had failed everyone, and I was about to face one of the toughest weekends of my life.

I was sitting there shaking as the woman wrapped up her talk. I didn't want to lose control in front of these women, but I knew God had impressed upon her to talk about divorce for my sake, and I felt like I needed to tell her that. So I told her that I was the reason she was supposed to talk about divorce-- that I was getting a divorce, and I had been too embarrassed to tell anyone about it, but that I was going home and facing everyone for the first time, and it terrified me.

All of the women gathered around me and lifted me up in prayer. I was able to go back to my hometown and face everyone without falling apart. I even took my precious mother-in-law to the Christmas cantata at my home church. I was able to walk through my house-- the house I designed and decorated-- without breaking down. I just felt an overwhelming sense of sadness as the memories rushed in to meet me in every room.

I have no doubts that it was God's strength that got me through that weekend, thanks to the prayers of those women. But if it had been up to me, no one would've known, and I would've headed home in my own feeble strength and misery. But God knew what I needed, and like He's done countless times in my life, He picked me up and dusted me off and offered me his hand to walk me through it.